INTRODUCTION
Parenting is always found to be a highly dynamic season of life.
Not only new parents find it a daunting task, but even those who may have had
half a dozen kids with some of them all grown up may attest to the challenge that
parenting entails. Christian parenting is no different, as the mere fact that
someone is Christian does not protect him or her from the challenges faced in
the home.
But how does Christian parenting differ from the way
that the world parents? After all, just about anyone can give his or her
children a good education, a roof over their heads, and enough food to eat. Is
it that Christian parents can turn to the Bible to whack their kids over on the
head for wrong behavior? Is it because they can threaten their kids with the
consequences of disobedience?
SERMON PROPER
The Methodist’s model for family holiness is
encapsulated in the practices experienced by John and Charles and their
siblings as they came under the authority of their mother Suzanna. John did not
have children by his wife, only a step son. There is very little mention of
Charles’ family life even though we were told he was happily married. So what
we do see in John Wesley and Charles and their siblings were on many accounts
the outcome of the strong Christian influence in their family. You might be
wondering why very little is mentioned of Samuel Wesley, their father. Samuel
was mostly on the move seeking out better pay in different offers to pastor
churches and other openings for ministry. At one point, he even left Suzanna
alone for an entire year because of differences in political views. So we will take a closer look at the way Suzanna Wesley thought about her role as mother to her children. The aim of her parenting
is the salvation of their souls My basic purpose was "the saving of their souls." The salvation of their souls My basic purpose was "the saving of their souls."
In a letter to her husband dated Feb 6, 1711-1712, she wrote: “As I am a woman, so I am also mistress of a large family and through the superior charge of the souls contained in it lies upon you; yet, in your absence, I cannot but look upon every soul you leave under my care as a talent committed to me under a trust by the great Lord of all the families both of heaven and earth. And if I am unfaithful to Him or you in neglecting to improve these talents, how shall I answer unto Him, when He shall command me to render an account of my stewardship?... As these, and other such like thoughts, made me at first take a more than ordinary care of the souls of my children and servants, so – knowing our religion requires a strict observation of the Lord’s day, and not thinking that we fully answered the end of the institution by going to church unless we filled up the intermediate spaces of time by other acts of piety and devotion – I thought it my duty to spend some part of the day in reading to and instructing my family: and such time I esteemed spent in a way more acceptable to God than if I had retired to my own private devotions.”
Inspired by a true zeal for God’s glory, she planned to do somewhat more that she should by praying more for them and speaking to those that she often converse with greater warm of affection.
She resolved to begin this with her own children and observed the following method: “ I take such proportion of time as I can spare every night to discourse with each child apart. ON Monday, I talk with Molly; on Tuesday with Hetty; Wednesday with Nancy; Thursday with Jacky; Friday, with Patty; Saturday, with Charles; and with Emily and Suky together on Sunday.
She methodized and arranged everything so exactly, that to each operation she had a time, and time sufficient to transact all the business of the family.
- Academic Subjects & Religious Instructions; 6 days in a week from 9-12; 2-5.
- As to the children, their times of going to rest, rising in the morning, dressing, eating, learning, and exercise, she managed by rule, which was never suffered to be broken, unless in case of sickness.
- the custom of singing psalms at beginning and leaving school, morning and evening. Then also that of a general retirement at five o'clock was entered upon. When the oldest took the youngest that could speak, and the second the next, to whom they read the psalms for the day, and a chapter in the New Testament: as in the morning they were directed to read the psalms, and a chapter in the Old; after which they went to their private prayers, before they got their breakfast, or came into the family.
- They were never suffered to choose their meat, but always made to eat such things as were provided for the family.
- They were never permitted to contend with each other; whatever differences arose, the parents were the umpires, and their decision was never disputed. The consequence was, there were few misunderstandings among them, and no unbrotherly or vindictive passions; and they had the common fame of being the most loving family in the county of Lincoln.
- Drinking or eating between meals was never allowed, unless in case of sickness, which seldom happened.
- At six, as soon as family prayer was over, they had their supper; at seven the maid washed them, and, beginning at the youngest, she undressed and got them all to bed by eight, at which time she left them in their several rooms awake, for there was no such thing allowed of, in our house, as sitting by a child till it fell asleep.
- Taking God's name in vain, cursing and swearing, profaneness, obscenity, rude ill-bred names, were never heard among them; nor were they ever permitted to call each other by their proper names without the addition of brother or sister.
- When turned a year old, (and some before,) they were taught to fear the rod, and to cry softly by which means they escaped abundance of correction which they might otherwise have had.
- She had little difficulty in breaking their wills, or reducing them to absolute subjection. They were perfectly obsequious to their parents, and were taught to wait their decision in everything they were to have, and in everything they were to perform.
- They were never permitted to command the servants, or to use any words of authority in their addresses to them.
What’s uppermost in your minds as you
lead the family? As you guide your children?
Paul reminds us that we are not to
conform to this world but be transformed by the renewal of our minds. Family
holiness for Suzanna begins with establishing God’s place in the lives of the
children from day 1. For Suzanna, the saving of the souls of the children was
of utmost importance. That they were to understand their duty to God and to
their families: to live lives that glorify the Lord. She deliberately built
into their daily regime incrementally the practice of faith; praying, bible
reading, praising…
She remained their spiritual guide
throughout their lives. She (Mrs. Wesley) never considered herself discharged
from the care of her children. Into all situations she followed them with her
prayers and counsels; and her sons, even when at the university, found the
utility of her wise and parental instructions. They proposed to her all their
doubts, and consulted her in all difficulties.
What was the outcome of her efforts in
grooming children set apart for the Lord?
Her Sons:
1. Samuel secured his Master
of Arts degree, was ordained and returned to Westminster as a teacher. Twenty
years later he moved to Tiverton in Devonshire where he became the headmaster
of an endowed school.
15. John Wesley
had "avoided" marriage with a couple of ladies in his college years
and with Sophy Hopkey in Georgia. They only stayed together for 17 years then she left. He became the founder of our Methodist Church.
17. Charles became a minister and was the most happily married of all his siblings. Charles
was constantly active in composing poetry-- close to nine thousand poems, many
of which were hymns.
Her Daughters:
3. Emilia: She found
employment as a teacher at a girls' school in London and later at a school for
girls at Gainsborough. At
age 44, about 1736, she married an apothecary named Robert Harper. He took her
savings and left her eventually, with his debts and a sickly, dying baby.
6. Sukie: threw
herself upon a course, vulgar, immoral man, Richard Ellison. She suffered from his vile behavior and cruelty to a point when she fled to London, taking
her children with her and never lived with him again.
7. Mary (crippled): married a pastor John
Whitelamb, in
1734. Within less than a year, Mary died in childbirth.
8. Hetty: She eloped with the man of her dreams and came back five
months pregnant and unmarried. She was disowned by her father and married off to William
Wright, a journeyman plumber from Lincoln. She was a gifted poet, had some
of her poems published. Mother Susanna, after
showing for three or four years that she had been wounded by Hetty's sin, came
around to the point where she accepted her fully. A rich affection grew once
more between them, especially after Samuel's death.
14. Anne (Nancy) : Little
is known of her till, in her twenties, she married a land surveyor, John
Lambert. He is spoken of as a well-educated, well-read man.
16. Martha (Patty): She married Westley Hall at age 30. He was a womanizer and often bring back infants from his other women to Martha. Martha nursed them.Martha
herself bore ten children, but all except one died in infancy. Martha
lived to be 85, was a gifted conversationalist, discussing philosophical
matters with Dr. Samuel Johnson and others.
19. Kezzie: she
proved rather weak as a child, lacking the energy that characterized the rest
of the family. At age 19, she became a pupil-teacher in the school at Lincoln
at which her sister Emilia had taught. She
fell into a lingering illness which terminated in her death at age 32.
Parenting was a wild ride for Suzanna
if you have time to read her memoirs. Despite her efforts, not all of them
turned out as well as she would like them to. Not all turned out to be 好果实。 We are tempted to ask, “Does it mean that God did not keep his
promise that children are a reward to their parents?” Suzanna’s heart ached for
her girls who got themselves into trouble.
The memoirs of Suzanna gives us
comfort to know that we are in good company when we think, “Some of the kids in church are gifts to their
parents but not my child or children!” Maybe your sorrows have made you more
cynical and you’re beginning to wonder just what God means when He uses the
words “gift” and “reward.” Or perhaps you can remember a time when you did
believe that your children were a gift, during those days when they were little
and first smiled up at you with their sweet toothless grins. But now, darker
images of angry, spiteful, and bitter words have obscured those beloved memories. Where
did we go wrong? What are we missing? Why is this happening?”
God
empathizes with us as parent to his people. The Lord Himself knows what it is like to be rejected by
His children. Isa. 1:2 Children
have I reared and brought up, but they have rebelled against me. Jer. 5:3b-4 You have struck them down, but they felt
no anguish. You have consumed them, but they refused to take correction. They
have made their faces harder than rock; they have refused to repent.
The
battle for our families is actually spiritual in nature (Eph. 6:12). The
fundamental discord in our children’s rebellion is not between them and us, but
between our children and the Lord. When a child decides that he loves the
world, he isn’t just rejecting us, he’s rejecting the things of God (1 John
2:15-17; James 4:4). As parents, we shouldn’t be shocked (though we frequently
are) that a child who loves the world may exhibit hatred toward us. Yet the
Bible teaches, “Do not be surprised, brothers, that the
world hates you” 1 John 3:13. We often we pray and hope that there are “right”
parenting formulas that can guarantee you’ll have godly children. For instance,
some parents prefer a particular method of discipline. Others insist that a
certain type of education is the key, while still others promote a particular
curriculum that is guaranteed to instil godly character into children. These
parents all believe that by carefully following a prescribed system, they will
be assured of success. But are there really any failsafe methods of
child-rearing? Does the Bible prescribe specific methods of parenting that
promise success every time? The biblical
answer to this question is No, there are no foolproof methods of parenting.
John
MacArthur writes: Equipping a child with spiritual truth is no guarantee he
or she will follow Christ. I know many diligent parents and grandparents whose
hearts have been broken by a family member’s rejection of Christ. We can only
plant the seeds by teaching and living out the truth. How they respond is out
of our hands.2
I hope you can recognize the difference between your responsibility and your children’s. Much of the sorrow we experience as parents of wayward children comes from the self-doubt and guilt we are prone to feel over our failures. What did we do wrong? Did I love her too much or not enough? What did we say or fail to say that would have turned her heart?
Our children aren’t actually ours. They belong to God,
ultimately, and He expects no less than our complete devotion to their souls. I
hope we can direct him so that when he is older and he sins, he will feel the
weight of it, see his need for salvation, and fall in love with Jesus forever.
When
good kids go bad - Parents may need to repent. Our parents play a large role in who we are (see Prov. 22:7). This is precisely why God mandates parents look after and nourish spiritual concerns: God believes parents can positively influence children. Unfortunately, the other side of that coin is that we can negatively influence our children as well. If we have failed to be the example Christ requires of us we bear some responsibility for the choices our children make. There is no mistake about this: such is sinful.
- the parents must go on. Do what it takes to be forgiven, and then move on. Let us move forward to do better in the future, and not be weighed down with the past.
1. Here we are at the start
committing to each other
By His word and from our hearts
We will be a family in a house that will be a home
And with faith we'll build it strong
Chorus
We'll build a household of faith
That together we can make
And when the strong winds blow it won't fall down
As one in Him we'll grow and the whole world will know
We are a household of faith
2. Now to be a family we've got to love each other
At any cost unselfishly
And our home must be a place that fully abounds with grace
A reflection of His face
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